Not career. Not where you will live. Not what church you’ll attend. The biggest decision of your life, with the most lasting ramifications, is who you chose to have as a long-term partner.
No other force in your life will have the negative influence of a loser partner or the positive influence of a loving, supportive partner. You can be a hard worker, clean liver and fantastic parent. All that will go to shit if you chose to marry someone who is none of the above.
No spouse or partner can be perfect, of course. No person is absent of negative qualities. But there sure are some who are absent of positive qualities, and the biggest challenge of the young adult is to weed these people out and quash any feelings of infatuation they may develop for them.
The most common examples of people ruined by poor mate selection are women whose lives were turned to shit because they chose to marry some loser of an omega male. These are the men who cannot hold down a job because they have no vocational skills, and also because they can’t drag themselves to the workplace at 8 am every day. They just don’t have the strength of character. In addition, they are also lousy parents because they are just too selfish, impatient, or and/or just plain evil. The only things they are good at are playing video games or pursuing some other useless hobby, drinking, doing drugs, gambling, cheating, and spending other people’s money. They are gripped by delusions of grandeur and believe they simply “deserve” the good life without having to put forth any effort. Any failure on their part is always blamed on some other person or outside force — NEVER themselves, heaven forbid! And the only talent they have is the art of lying, always able to worm their way back into people’s good graces so that they can keep the freebies flowing.
There are rare examples of good men stuck with lousy, cheating omega women, of course… when this happens, these marriages follow the same script, just with the genders flipped. But it’s far less common. And this can certainly happen in gay and lesbian relationships as well, only often without the added penalty of children in the mix.
Whatever the case, if you decide to ignore your own better judgement, as well as the likely strongly worded advice from your friends and parents about the moral character of the piece of trash you are with, and marry him anyway because you love him… well, here is a representative example of what your life will entail. Give it a read.
This is a site where women vent about the “homewreckers” they believe ruined their marriage, but with very few exceptions, the other woman is only incidental to the story. Who their loser husbands wound up cheating with is not important as, generally speaking, these omega-male husbands are trying desperately to cheat with anyone they can find.
The site’s typical story features some schlub of an omega male that the wife keeps taking back over and over simply because she’s convinced that love is everything, and this story fits the bill to a T. There is little out of the ordinary of this story… it is really the same as hundreds of others posted to this site by heartbroken wives. The only difference is that this particular wife also blames the husband, much to her credit.
According to the wife, the guy follows the typical omega routine of being unable to hold down a job. She mentions specifically how after their son his born, he went and got a job… which he held for all of one month. He said he quit because he didn’t like how he was being treated. In addition to this fine employment record, the guy is a drug user and dealer, having even gone to prison for a felony conviction. He parties all night and sometimes does not come home until 8 am. And his looks! I mean, just look at this specimen.
Because the wife failed so decisively at the biggest decision of her life, see what her life is now:
Single mom of no fewer than four children, all with the bad genes of this deficient individual. Working 16 hour double shifts back to back. Stuck with the above manchild as the main man of her life, and you know she will keep taking him back even after she posted the article I linked to. No hope for any better life for herself or her kids, ever. No chance of ever getting a better man because she’s always either at work or at home and, let’s face it, she chose to love this piece of trash instead.
And this is the secret the movies don’t tell you: love really is a choice.
I’m not talking about infatuation and I’m not talking about lust. Those are indeed out of our hands. But those are fleeting and immature, and we have those feelings for many different people throughout our lives. I am also not talking about the love you have for your children, which is outside the scope of this post. Who you chose to have a mature and lasting love life, on the other hand, is indeed a conscious choice. As I’ve been hammering home for this post, it is the most important choice of your life.
So while I do have pity for this wife, it is in the end her own damn fault that her life is in the shitter. She’ll point out that she’s a hard worker, good wife and fine mother. I’ll say yes, that’s true, but because you failed at love, you got what’s coming to you. What happened to you was not “unfair,” I would tell her. It wasn’t due to an act of God. Your current situation was the utterly predictable result of your own conscious decisions.
Worse, because of her epic fail, she has condemned her poor children to a life that is far worse than it could have been, and stuck with genes from a man with no good genes to his name.
The turd she married didn’t magically turn from a prince to, well, a turd overnight. He was like that all his life, believe me. She knew. She knew about his drinking and his lack of employment. She knew he was self-absorbed, no-account and shifty. She knew all this and yet allowed herself to fall in love with him anyway.
We say people can only blame themselves if they make other poor life decisions. If they drop out of school, get into drugs and join a gang, we say they have only themselves to blame. We should say the same about those who make poor decisions in love, and wow, did this wife screw the pooch on that decision to Whitney Houston levels.