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While Bill Cosby is many things, one thing he was not was a guy who would have had any trouble whatsoever getting laid honestly.

Even before “The Cosby Show” fame, he was a successful stand-up comedian and star of the show “I Spy.” All a celebrity like him would have to do to get laid from one or more starfuckers was walk into any bar in Hollywood, and say “hi.” Willing and consensual. And that wasn’t enough. Or rather: being willing and consensual was a problem.

Why? Why did he feel compelled to only go after women who did NOT want to sleep with him? They say rape is about power and not sex, but what does that even mean? How would it play in someone’s head that it would be better to commit violent felonies against innocent women that he barely even knows, leaving them horribly scarred, to get sex instead of finding any of the young available and willing women? He had money, fame, cars, coke, booze, everything a discriminating Hollywood Lothario would need to entice all the ready-and-willing girls he could dream of in the Seventies (same as now actually). Just ask DiCaprio: he could have hit-and-quit a dozen consenting girls a week, every week, and nobody would have batted an eye. Yet that wasn’t good enough for him.

He wasn’t a date rapist who lost control — his actions were premeditated. He was perceived as wise and paternal from his show and those fucking Jell-O ads. And he chose to risk throwing that perception away.

I’ve read articles, I’ve read research studies and nothing helps me understand men like Bill Cosby. To be sure, some rapes are more understandable: the date rape where his lust overcomes his humanity. The hate rape where it is used as a weapon against someone he despises (although how you are able to have sex with someone you hate also eludes me). Even the war rape, where it is used as one of many tools to commit atrocities, makes sense in a brutal way: if his regime is already busy shooting, bombing and torturing people to death for the crime of belonging to the wrong religion or ethnicity, what’s a little rape on top of that? Stalin and ISIS would want to know.

But this sort of premeditated rape is something I can never wrap my mind around. Perhaps it’s best that I never understand monsters like Bill Cosby. Stare into the abyss too long, and all that.