CARACAS – Venezuelan president Nicolas Maduro today further expounded on the alleged U.S. “threats” that he said trigged a state of emergency, stating that “dastardly, neo-fascists” in the CIA aim to destroy the oil-rich country once and for all by forcing Nicolas Maduro to remain president.
“The fascist pigs in Washington aim to topple our great nation by destroying it from within,” Maduro said on state television. “This is why the gangsters of the CIA are forcing Venezuela to be ruled by their puppet, Nicolas Maduro.”
President Maduro listed off a withering battery of charges to prove how President Maduro was bringing the country to its knees at the behest of the Obama Administration. “Runaway corruption and graft; taking over the economy, yet exhibiting colossal incompetence at running the economy at every level; foreign contractors easily swindling the country for its petro-dollars; blackouts that worsen every day, despite being one of the world’s biggest oil exporters.”
Slamming his fist on his desk, Maduro declared in Spanish, “Why, this Yankee stooge named Maduro now lets his government employees work just two days a week — while getting paid full! In a system where the government owns everything! Where are the people supposed to go for even basic services?”
Not many were able to watch the address in the darkened streets of Caracas, as rolling blackouts kept TVs off and rampant crime and looting prevented citizens from watching it in public places.
“The people demand change, and yet they will not get it. How could this be, unless evil Yankees were forcing Maduro to remain?” Maduro asked his audience.
“And this inflation! Get this — it’s gotten so bad that this idiot Maduro literally does not have enough money to print more money!” a furious Maduro declared.
He noted global analysts’ shock at how rapidly the country fell apart under President Maduro’s rule of just a few years, a feat unprecedented in a modern country not going through a war.
“Nicolas Maduro was more effective at destroying Venezuela than a nuclear bomb,” Nicolas Maduro concluded. “Never before have the sinister devils of Washington come up with such an effective strategy to destroy us. Never before have they unleased Nicolas Maduro!”